Isn't' it interesting the way that the universe presents you with opportunities the minute you decide to turn your life in a certain direction?  And isn't it interesting how, when you put your feet upon a path that really is the path you should be on, how the doors fly open and any obstacles are swept completely out of your way?   That's how it feels with this whole minister thing for me.

The biggest thing I have to deal with, in my opinion anyhow, is the schooling aspect of getting my Masters of Divinity.  First, I have to finish my Bachelor's degree, which is something I've let hang around in the background of my life for...oh.....the last twenty years or so.  I've started back several times and really, just couldn't see the point of it.   It was a piece of paper that really had very little bearing on my life or career.  Sure, I might have started out at a better salary if I'd had that piece of paper, but every time I started to make moves to go back, it never felt like anything other than some hoops I was jumping through only because it felt expected of me that I jump through them.

If you've known me for more than five minutes, doing anything merely because it is "expected" of me is not something I do very often, if ever.   I'm oppositional in ways that aren't always in my best interests.   This situation was one of those that most likely wasn't in my best interests.

Now, though, things have changed.  This piece of paper isn't just for show or an addition to my resume.  It's a rung on the ladder to get where I really want to be.  There is actually a purpose to my having this degree, so I'm going to get it.   I've gone back to a program that I applied to several years ago that is designed for adults who are working to finish their degree in an accelerated fashion.   I did this last week.   In seven days, I've been accepted, done the placement testing, met with my advisor and tonight I go to orientation.  I start classes on 10/16.   To say that the doors have opened easily is an understatement.  It has felt like every time I moved forward on the track to getting back into school, the wheels were greased!   I'm super excited to get this underway and to be done with this first part of my education.

I'm also finding ample opportunities presented to me to do "Priestessing".  Which is what I prefer to call what I do, rather than "ministering".   I have spoken with the minister at my church and she has let me know that she has wanted to train some lay ministers to be able to do weddings and funerals.  Guess who was on her list to ask about that?   I am also leading  one of several small "covenant groups" in the church which will meet every month.   Pagan-wise, I will be facilitating a large-ish public ritual at Central Illinois Pagan Pride Day coming up in a few weeks.  I am figuring out what my schedule looks like to perhaps begin doing some classes that I have wanted to do for a while.   And I am going to start teaching dance again, which is a whole other way to Priestess.

It's been weird to tell people that this is what I am going to do.  Thankfully, it has been met with positive reactions for the most part.  My parents have no idea what to make of this, and that's understandable.  They don't really understand my beliefs as they don't fall into the Christian paradigm so knowing that I'm not a Christian and hearing that I want to be a minister might be a bit dissonant to them.  They were both sweet when they heard though, and I know they are happy that I'm finishing my Bachelor's Degree.

Me?  I'm happier than I've been in a while.  I'm challenged by figuring this all out and still looking for full time work.  I'm wondering a bit how working will go when I am in seminary but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.  For right now, I'm going to enjoy feeling like I'm doing what I've been meant to do for a long time now.  I know the details will fall into place, you might just say that I have faith.

"When you follow your bliss...doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else"

-Joseph Campbell

Five days ago, I lost the job that I thought was my dream job.  I had made plans, so many plans.  How I would continue working for this company until I achieved some other career goals.  How my life was "settled" and I would buy a house and all the things to fill it up.  How I would travel on my time off and explore the world with my husband and friends.  So much for plans.

When I was told that I was being "terminated" (who comes UP with these terms?), I felt strangely calm.  I had some inkling that this is where things were moving, so it wasn't a complete shock.  And, after the initial "oh FUCK" period, honestly, I felt relieved.  That was a very telling emotion.  This dream job that I had thought would be the end all and be all wasn't actually all that dreamy for me.  I had a thought that this might actually have been a good thing, in the long run. 

Instead of standing and fretting about what could have been, I felt like I had a sea of options before me.  I had a moment that few people get to experience; one of "if I could do anything what would that be?".   I had a chance to let my most secret dreams out of their box.  And when I asked myself that question, one major thing came to the forefront:  I want to be a minister. 

I have felt for quite some time a call to ministry.  I have done some thinking about that and what that might actually look like for me.  But prior to now it all seemed like a fanciful thing.  Like something that I was, perhaps, being conceited about.  As if I were taking myself too seriously to think I would be a person who ministers to others.   In one short meeting, though, it became a possibility.   A possibility I am embracing.  This really is a call I hear in my heart.

I have begun having conversations with friends I know who are ministers.  I have begun speaking with the minister at the church I attend.  And, I have begun writing here to put down my own conversations with myself about ministry, the shape it might take for me, and my journey towards making this a reality.

Obviously, this is not going to be an overnight thing.  I will be getting a different job while I work towards this goal.  I will still have to deal with the complexities of health insurance, paying all the bills and everyday life.  It all feels like it will be ok, though.  I am happy.  And scared. But mostly happy. 

I'm running off a cliff to chase after something I thought would perhaps maybe ONE day be a side thing.   I'm pretty sure I'm going to land on my feet.


"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase" - Martin Luther King, Jr

"Leap and the net will appear" - Julia Margaret Cameron